You may not know her name, but if you've watched any amount of television over the past year, you just may recognize our new "Retention Pond Honey of the Month." Meet MILANA VAYNTRUB
This Uzbekistanian born beauty has been dabbling in comedy on stage, screen and on the web for a number of years now. And while some people may know Milana for her role as Lily in a popular series of AT&T commercials, she is probably best known, first and foremost for playing a corpse in just about every network program in the last seven years. And while most would think this is a cliche way for us to find yet another morbid goth chick, don't be so quick to judge. We first fell for Ms. Vayntrub when we saw her playing a delicious looking vampire during a segment of Key & Peele. And this was well before she was cast as The Ultimate Warrior in Max Landis's upcoming sequel to The Death and Return of Superman: Wrestling is Wrestling. And we all know about RPH President Michael's feelings and history with The Ultimate Warrior. Oh, could you imagine how this funny dead girl in neon tassels and makeup would look lying next to a gorgeous retention pond? If we all wish really hard, maybe Milana will see this and make all of our Fly Ass fantasies come true.
The new "Retention Pond Honey of the Month" comes from the world of sports entertainment. WWE Diva and pro wrestler PAIGE.
This past fall, RPH President Michael was introduced to a friend of a friend, after a WWE RAW event in Chicago. Unbeknownst to him, this friend turned out to be the raven haired beauty and reigning (at the time) WWE Divas Champion, Paige. We here at RPH are vaguely unfamiliar with the current happenings of pro wrestling, but after our encounter with the lovely Paige, that may all have to change. Naturally her hot goth girl looks and English accent were enough to score her an RPHOTM nod, but her personality more than seals the fly ass deal. With a storied family history of wrestling in her blood, Paige began pro wrestling at the age of 13. So although she's only in her early 20's, this British bombshell is no newcomer to the profession. She became the youngest person to ever win a WWE championship belt at the age of 21, and it happened her first night in the big leagues, when she defeated AJ Lee in front of a televised audience. But as you can see in the videos below, this scripted sport can be all too real for someone like our Paige. Aside from a life in the squared circle, Paige loves listening to The Misfits, watching Game of Thrones, and laying out under the sun near her neighborhood retention pond. Also, watch Paige this winter on the Total Divas in the E! network. In the meantime, here is a clip from the night she debuted on WWE Raw, as well as the candid backstage footage after the match.
Our "Retention Pond Honey of the Month" this time around is non other than Catwoman herself, the classic beauty Julie Newmar.
While RPH chairmen Michael and Ivan were playing Mary Fuck Kill on a recent episode of We're With The Band, a google image search was all it took for the boys to throw Ms. Newmar to the top of the Honeys list.
Julie is a big fucking deal in our books for many reasons. Not only did she play the sexiest version of the sexiest Batman villain, but she also has been a lifelong advocate of banning leaf blowers, sports a pair of gorgeous 37" gams, won an ongoing feud with legendary Hollywood ass-hat Jim Belushi, is the inventor and patent holder for "Nudemar" woman's undergarments, starred in Ivan's favorite film of all time (Seven Brides For Seven Brothers), and is an advocate for the ethical treatment of retention ponds. Here is one of Ms. Newmar's famous Catwoman clips from the 1966 Batman television show.
Our next "Retention Pond Honey of the Month" is Michael's favorite porn star masseuse Rita Romaneta.
Rita has been featured in many adult films, but she came to the band's attention while on tour (listen to the episode "Sheriff Scabs and Moseley Tour Diary part 2: So... How's Your Mom?"). RPH President Michael discovered Rita on the Massage Rooms website, because the massage scenes put him in a relaxed state. However, fellow RPH chairmen Ivan and Dreg believe he just wants to watch the sex scenes. And when Michael turns Rita's video on, while he's trying to nap in the hotel room, things get really strange.
Rita is said to be a professionally trained massage therapist. Her bio says, "She has a caring nature and a calming influence, it's her soft and friendly approach that helps you fall into a deeper state of bliss." A fact that Michael knows all too well. Rita is passionate about erotic massage, Catwoman, clean eating, her home country of Czech Republic, and of course... retention ponds.
To witness Rita's senual massage in action, go to page on the Massage Rooms website. To see more of Rita (or Peach as she's sometimes known), here is a list of all her adult material.
Our first ever "Retention Pond Honey of the Month" is the one and only Pandie Suicide.
Pandie came to our attention earlier this year, when she was featured in a Honda commercial (hear it in WWTB podcast #36).
Pandie is a Hollywood model, who hails from New Zealand. She loves metal, tattoos, the color black and of course... retention ponds.
She is a Suicide Girl and has starred in many music video for the likes of Pantera, Aerosmith, Taylor Swift and Lil Wayne to name a few.
Pandie is currently in pre-production for a horror movie she's making called MASSACRE. To see more of Pandie, visit her site on Zivity.
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